Round 1, Hole 6: Fire, fire!

If you’ve played golf a while I’m sure you’ve seen your share of near misses and crazy things involving carts.

I have 2 friends that smoke cigars. Big stogies. Between shots and putts the smokes extinguish and need to be relighted 10 times or more. Unless you bring your own ashtray there’s not really a good place for them to rest. I’ve seen burned seats and melted back fenders. But nothing compared to the conflagration on #6 one day.

The 2 smokers, D and P, were in one cart and K was alone in the other. #6 is a bear of a hole – the number 1 handicap. Mostly due to a pond immediately in front of the green with a severe slope to the water. Both D and P employ those torch lighters that could be used for welding or cutting into a safe. As they pulled beside the green each of them fired up their smokes. Unfortunately one of the lighters kept aflame and the right side of the dash melted and burst into flames.

K was near the carts and started screaming “Fire, fire!” He rushed to the lake to fill his brand new Tilley hat with water to douse the flames but slipped on the bank and performed a dead swan dive into the drink. D and P were frozen! Would they save K or save the burning cart? The hell with K, he can swim. A gutted cart would be a big assessment!

Both ran to the bathrooms beside the green for water but it was shut off for the winter. Then the most logical idea came to them: push the cart into the lake! And they did, forgetting that 2 full sets of clubs were strapped to it.

K floundered to the shore and clawed up the bank, shivering and covered in mud. D and P were assessed anyway and the pro shop sold $3000 worth of clubs later that day!